


Teen Titans Porno!

by Baz



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series, Teen Titans (Animated Series), Teen Titans (Comics), Teen Titans - All Media Types, Teen Titans Go!, Titans (TV 2018)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 10:02:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19270984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baz/pseuds/Baz
Summary: Someone has secretly put hidden cameras all over Titans Tower, and has been filming the Teen Titans having sex, in the shower and other private activities.And all of the footage has been made into a porno!The Teen Titans must find out who did this disgusting act.





	Teen Titans Porno!

TEEN TITANS PORNO!

 

One night, the Titans decided to go for a very late night on the town. No crime has happened for nearly 3 weeks, and they were getting bored.

 

“Ladies and Gentlemen, and Beast Boy,” announced Cyborg. “Let’s get shit faced.”

 

The other Titans cheered, but Starfire was confused.

 

“Why would you want to have excrement on your faces?”

 

So they went to a bar and got completely hammered on Guinness, Lagar, Cider and Wine. Beast Boy needed to pee about 9 times. The only one who didn’t go was Starfire.

 

“How come you don’t need a piss?” Raven asked her.

 

“I have 5 bladders, only two of them are full,” explained Starfire.

 

After the boozing, they decided to go to the market and got themselves some nachos.

 

“After fighting criminals for so long, I forgot how good these were,” said Robin.

 

“Enjoy the little things,” Cyborg replied. “That is some good nacho.”

 

“Guys, I need a piss again,” said Beast Boy.

 

Later, Raven decided to go into a sex shop for shits and giggles. The Titans looked at all of the dildos, whips, chains, ass plugs, vibrators, gimp masks and the like.

 

“Why is everyone on this planet obsessed with sex?” asked Starfire.

 

“Forget ‘What is the meaning of life’, I think that was life’s biggest question,” said Robin.

 

Raven was looking at the DVDs; there was ‘Flesh Gordon’, ‘Fuck/Off’ starring Dickless Cage and Schlong Travolta, the ‘Hairy Pecker’ series, ‘A Fish Called Wanker’, ‘Sex Men’ starring Michael Fast-Bender and Bend-over Lawrence, ‘Death He Comes Her’ starring Bruce Willy, Goldie Whore and Maryl Stroke and ‘Throbbin Hood: Pimp of Thieves’ starring Kevin Cockner and Morgan Semen.

 

“I’ve got most of these,” said Raven.

 

But there was one DVD that caught her eye:

 

‘The Very Best of Teen Titans.’

 

She grabbed it and looked at it in horror. On the cover, it was pictures of the Titans.

 

The synopsis said “If you love the Teen Titans, well, you’re gonna get a massive boner over our sexy superheroes as they make love, have showers and do all kinds of XXX activity. Titans Go, indeed!”

 

Raven showed it to the others and they were also in shock.

 

“What the hell?” asked Beast Boy. “Is this real, or are we seeing things cos we drank too much?”

 

So they bought the DVD and took it back to the Tower. They wanted to see if this was for real.

 

Robin put the DVD on and they all sat on the sofa with worry.

 

The movie began and it started off with Robin and Starfire naked and having sex.

 

“Did you guys film yourself?” asked Raven.

 

“No,” replied Robin. “We never did. Someone had hidden a camera in my room and filmed us.”

 

Everyone looked at Beast Boy.

 

“Why is it that when something bad happens, you guys always have to blame it on me?” he whined.

 

“Cos you’re usually the cause of it,” Raven told him.

 

In the movie, Robin and Starfire were really going at it. Robin was rubbing his hands up Starfire’s ass and curves, and Starfire stroked his chest.

 

Robin began to fast forward.

 

“Oh c’mon!” groaned Beast Boy. “It was just getting good.”

 

Robin fast forwarded it more and more until it got to Raven in her bathroom.

 

“What the?”

 

In the movie, she dropped her towel and she was completely naked. Raven yelped as her body was in a full frontal shot.

 

“Raven, you’re turning red,” said Beast Boy with a smirk.

 

In the movie, Raven turned the shower on and washed herself.

 

“Give me that!” she cried as she snatched the remote off Robin and fast forwarded.

 

She then got to Cyborg.

 

“Oh shit!” cried the robot in horror.

 

In the movie, Cyborg was looking at a car magazine and he was masturbating.

 

Beast Boy burst out laughing.

 

“Oh shit! This is the BEST thing I have ever seen!”

 

Cyborg took the control off Raven and fast forwarded.

 

And then the movie got to Beast Boy.

 

The Changeling yelped as he watched himself in horror.

 

“Oh Jesus, NO!”

 

In the movie, Beast Boy was on the toilet.

 

PLIP! PLOP! PLOP! PLOP!

 

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” cried Beast Boy as he watched himself.

 

The other Titans all laughed.

 

“Beast Boy, you were right,” Raven told him with a smirk. “This IS the best movie ever.”

 

“Why would someone put someone else shitting in a porno?” asked Cyborg.

 

“Some people get aroused by shit,” explained Robin. “Like that Japanese director, Iguchi, I think his name is.”

 

Beast Boy was in horror and he was really angry.

 

“Beast Boy, now YOU’RE turning red,” laughed Raven.

 

Beast Boy stood right in front of the TV and made an announcement.

 

“WE MUST FIND THE ASSHOLE WHO SECRETLY FILMED US!”

 

“We’ll do it in the morning,” said Robin. “It’s 3 am.”

 

So the Titans went to bed and slept away. The next day at Noon, they woke up and had breakfast.

 

Then it was time to solve the mystery of who filmed them.

 

Cyborg scanned every room in the Tower. No sign of hidden cameras anywhere.

 

“Whoever put in those cameras,” he explained. “They must’ve sneaked in and very quickly removed them.”

 

Beast Boy suddenly remembered something.

 

“Dude, I think I know who did it,” he said.

 

Beast Boy remembered that a week ago, he had the Tower all to himself, when the others all went shopping for groceries. Beast Boy didn’t want to go because he was busy playing his latest video game. Then the doorbell rang and it was some salesman wearing a massive hat and massive coat. So Beast Boy let him in.

 

“You let in a strange looking guy dressed in a massive coat and hat?” asked Raven.

 

“I thought it was Cyborg playing a prank on me,” explained Beast Boy.

 

The salesman was pitching the idea for a brand new phone he had invented. Beast Boy had turned it down. The salesman then asked him for a glass of water. Beast Boy went to get the man his water, but when he was about to give it to the man, he had disappeared. Beast Boy was confused. Then suddenly the man appeared as if by magic. He said he had to go and left the tower.

 

But he came back the very next day, same routine and same vanishing act.

 

Robin had a hunch.

 

“The only person who could move in the speed of light is…..”

 

So he called the Justice League and got in touch with The Flash.

 

The Flash later went to Titans Tower, it only took him half a second to get from one city to another.

 

Robin told him what happened and Beast Boy’s encounter with the stranger.

 

“Could it be Zoom?” Robin asked him.

 

“Sounds like him,” said the Flash.

 

Cyborg’s phone rang and he answered it. It was Bumblebee. Cyborg put her on loudspeaker:

 

“Someone has secretly put security cameras all over the Tower and has recorded us, and has made it into a porno called ‘The Very Best of Titans East’!”

 

“Could we see your movie for evidence?” Beast Boy asked her with a smirk.

 

“No, but we saw your movie,” replied Bumblebee. “Plip, plop!”

 

Beast Boy was embarrassed.

 

"I hope there's no footage of Mas y Menos," said an alarmed Cyborg.

 

"No, just footage of Speedy, Aqualad and me," replied Bumblebee. "Its because we're all 20."

 

“I wonder has this guy made a movie of the Hive Five,” said Robin. “Maybe that’s how we’ll catch this guy.”

 

So the Titans made their way to the Hive Five’s Tower and spoke to their rivals.

 

They explained to them what happened.

 

“So this guy could secretly record you next,” Robin told them.

 

The Hive Five were in shock.

 

“I don’t like these assholes, but I believe in them,” said Gizmo.

 

Then the doorbell rang.  

 

From the security monitor, everyone saw that it was the man in the hat and coat.

 

“That’s him!” cried Bumblebee.

 

“I’ll get him,” said The Flash.

 

From outside the tower, the man waited patiently and then the door opened to reveal the Flash.

 

“Hey, pal.”

 

The man got so scared that he ran off in the speed of light. He was dressed in a yellow outfit. It was Zoom! The Flash then chased after him, and the speedsters ran all around the city.

 

No matter how fast the Flash was, he couldn’t keep up with Zoom.

 

Zoom thought he was about to lose The Flash, that was until he saw Mas y Menos heading toward him in the speed of light. Mas chucked a grenade at Zoom and it exploded.

 

It was a gum grenade and Zoom was covered in it. The gum stuck his feet to the ground. He couldn’t move.

 

The Flash stopped running and thanked Mas y Menos.

 

“Gracias.”

 

“¡Soy tu mayor fan!” said Mas.

 

“¡Soy tu fan aún más grande!” added Menos.

 

All of the Titans all ganged up on the stuck Zoom.

 

“You’ve been a very bad boy, Zoom,” said Bumblebee.

 

“Well, what are you going to do about it?” asked Zoom.

 

Raven then placed her hand on his head and read his thoughts.

 

She got what she needed.

 

“Pack your bags, we’re heading for Metropolis.”

 

Suddenly Beast Boy began to laugh at Zoom.

 

“I’m sorry, the banana suit? HA HA HA!! Your supervillain costume is piss yellow?”

 

“It’s gold,” replied Zoom.

 

“Nope, it’s pee yellow,” laughed Beast Boy. “You shouldn’t have called yourself ‘Zoom’, you should be called ‘The Whizzer’! HA HA HA!”

 

Zoom looked at Raven.

 

“Is he always this annoying?”

 

“Yes,” sighed Raven.

 

At Lexcorp, Luthor was busy counting how much money he had. He had now finished.

 

“$485 billion, still a poor man,” he grumbled at himself.

 

Suddenly, the doors of his office flew open and The Flash and the Titans all marched in. Raven used her telekinesis to drag Zoom into the office, still stuck in gum.

 

“Well, if it isn’t Flash of the Titans,” chuckled Luthor.

 

“You are a very sick man, Luthor,” said Robin as he tossed a DVD of ‘The Best of Teen Titans’ on his desk.

 

“Made your screen debut?” asked Luthor.

 

“We know that you got Zoom to film us and other innocent people,” said Cyborg. “And you also have your own porn company so that you can make even more money and hold the record for ‘Richest Man in the World.”

 

Luthor began to applaud sarcastically.

 

Raven brought Zoom over to Luthor. She placed her hand on Zoom’s head, and her other hand onto Luthor’s. Raven began to fed Luthor the thoughts in Zoom’s head.

 

“Hmm,” said Luthor. “Forgot one of you was psychic. How is your father doing, Raven? Oh yes, you don’t get along.”

 

Raven got annoyed at his assholish remark.

 

Then Luthor pressed a button on his desk.

 

His desk began to transform into a massive green robot of some sort. Luthor was still in his chair which served as the head of the robot. Once the transformation was complete, the robot was 60 feet high.

 

“Of course,” Luthor said on the microphone. “If you want to catch me, you’ll have to fight against my new toy. Oh, and your friend Superman can’t save you, since all of this green armour is Kryptonite.”

 

Starfire began to fly in front of the giant robot.

 

“Then I shall take Superman’s place,” she said.

 

“Your highness,” said Luthor. “Never met royalty before. It’ll be fun to kill a princess. Zoom, you’re no use to me anymore.”

 

The robot fired missiles at Zoom, and in the speed of light, The Flash grabbed Zoom and brought him away from where the missiles were heading.  The missiles exploded and The Flash brought Zoom down the stairs and out of the building where a police car was waiting for Zoom.

 

“Why did you work for Luthor anyway?” The Flash asked him.

 

“Cos he’s fucking loaded,” replied Zoom.

 

“Mmm,” said The Flash. 

 

Back in Luthor’s office, Starfire punched the armour on the robot. Using the massive hands, Luthor made the robot punch Starfire back. Beast Boy turned himself into a T-Rex and began to fight Luthor’s robot.

 

“Cyborg, cut a hole in the robot and maybe I can climb inside,” said Robin.

 

Cyborg fired his laser and tried to cut open a hole. But nothing happened.

 

“It’s the Kryptonite,” said Cyborg. “It’s so thick.”

 

Whilst the B-Rex fought Luthor’s robot, Starfire began to pull at the Kryptonite armour.

 

“Wait? No! NOOOOO!” cried Luthor.

 

Starfire managed to peel off some of the Kryptonite armour and it was successful.

 

Luthor tried to make his robot’s hands strike Starfire, but Raven used her psychic power to hold the robot’s hands in midair.

 

Luthor was up shit creek as Starfire peeled more and more Kryptonite armour off.

 

Sure enough, all of the Kryptonite had been removed and the robot was useless without it.

 

“Ah, just in time,” said Robin as he looked out of the window.

 

Luthor groaned as he saw who was flying outside the window.

 

Superman.

 

“Hello, Lex.”

 

So Luthor and Zoom went to prison and had to pay a massive fine for all the damage he caused to innocent people.

 

Luthor was far from the richest man in the world since he was now 2 billion short.

 

All of the porn copies of innocent people including the Titans had been destroyed. But Raven still kept one copy of the Teen Titans porno.

 

Because if Beast Boy annoys her again, she can show everyone the footage of him on the toilet.

 

But there was one criminal in Gotham who also had a copy of the Teen Titans porno.

 

“Oh baby, oh baby, oh baby,” moaned Harley Quinn with pleasure as she did it to Robin and Starfire’s sexy scene.

 

The door opened and Ivy came in. Harley quickly covered herself with her bedsheets.

 

“Ivy!”

 

“Sorry, babe,” apologised Ivy. “I was just going to ask could I have that when you’re done?”

 

“Sure,” said Harley. “Oh God, my hand hurts.”

 

THE END

  
  
  
  



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